22/09/2023
My Superhero
Lloyd is a “foster fail”. He is by far the happiest failure I have ever had.
Things are about to get real here so buckle in…
A few months ago, I was laid off from my job.
So imagine…single mom, 2 kids, no job, very little income. I went from earning a little over enough to barely making it. My divorce ptsd was triggered as I was brought back to a headspace of fear of becoming homeless and unable to care for my kids.
Lloyd has always slept on the bed with me. When I am not feeling well, I could swear Lloyd has saved my life more than a few times. The most memorable one was when I got COVID the 3rd time. Lloyd woke me up when my pulse ox was falling to 85. I believe I probably would have died in my sleep had Lloyd not kept nudging at me with that cold boop-able nose at me that night.
So it’s that incessant cold nose kiss and sniffing that woke me up in the wee hours of the morning 2 weeks after getting laid off. I woke up drenched in cold sweat, my whole body shaking and heart racing……yup….panic attack. Lloyd, who loves his space on the bed by the way, kept nudging me with his cold nose and finally laid down on top of me. Looking at me. I think trying to reassure me that it will all be okay. And my heart rate slowed down to normal and my thoughts calm down in prayer.
I wish I could tell you guys that that was the last time Lloyd has sensed an impending panic attack. I don’t even know where it’s coming from but I love the way Lloyd is an early alarm system that switches to a source of comfort while I ride the waves of anxiety and panic.
I have since landed a job and I wish I could say, everything is okay. 3.5 months of joblessness has put a serious crimp in my financial recovery plans. (Yup post-divorce financial recovery has taken longer than expected) and I think my physical body is expressing the anxiety inducing thoughts that I am battling to not escalate.
It helps so much that my “failure” Lloyd is there. I always have had dogs who were sweet and cuddly but never one who seemed so instep and in tune with my internal barometers. Because there have been times when the attacks come out of nowhere and it takes prayer, willpower and Lloyd to make sure I am upright and able to get on…
He may be a “failure” but he is my superhero.
