11/07/2025
🧡🐥Peep, Peepers, Peep da Peep, Peepee🐥🧡
My heart is so very broken right now, so this is very hard for me to post. But I have sworn to stay honest, transparent and true.
Peep started to rapidly decline yesterday into late last night. His mentality changed, couldn’t be comfortable for long, was fighting against his feedings and was having a hard time regulating his temperature. Despite antibiotics for two weeks, fluid therapy and intensive home care - I could tell we weren’t making the improvements we were hoping for.
Last night he looked at me almost as if to say, “Ma, I’m so tired. I don’t know if I can fight anymore.” I asked him to hang on for me for one more night, if for anything at least the cuddles.
We rechecked his bloodwork today which showed that despite everything, all of my fears were true. His kidney values were worse as well as his blood chemistry. His quality of life was diminishing.
The look in his tired eyes told me everything I needed to know. I couldn’t prolong any suffering he may be dealing with. Tomorrow couldn’t be a promise. I loved him too much to let that happen. I wrapped him up in my arms for cuddles preparing myself to let him go. I nuzzled his little head that was tucked into my neck, pet him and told him over and over that I loved him, and kissed his little nose as my tears fell into his fur. We were graced to have that time together.
As the vet staff were saying their goodbyes, he began to panic trying to get back into my arms. I was his place of comfort and solitude, my arms is where he felt so very safe and loved. His breathing became irregular and I asked my coworker to please go get his doctor right away, fearing he was painfully starting to slip away as his body was too weak.
With a breaking heart and tears streaming from my eyes, I kissed his little nose one more time and told him how much I loved him a couple more times as we peacefully let him go.
I know I tried so hard and gave him a chance, but I am still grieving with the thought that I failed him. Breaking my own heart was the only way I could make sure his didn’t.
The only thing that gives me any break from my grief is remembering that he never didn’t know how much I loved him from the moment he came into my life.
I will always remember him as he was before he got sick. That playful, ornery but oh so sweet little orangie boy. That’s how I see him being at The Rainbow Bridge. 🌈🐾