Best Of British

15/09/2025

Did you know...
Before pumpkins, Irish and Scottish people carved faces into turnips or potatoes to scare away evil spirits on the night of Samhain.
After moving to America... Irish immigrants brought the tradition to the United States in the late 1800s and discovered that pumpkins were easier to carve than turnips.

15/09/2025

05/09/2025

*The Clever Little Old Lady’s Hustle*

A little old lady was strolling down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags had a small tear, and every so often, a £20 bill would slip out onto the sidewalk.

A policeman noticed this and hurried over. “Excuse me, ma’am,” he said, “but you’ve got £20 bills falling out of your bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” the old lady exclaimed. “Thank you for letting me know, Officer. I’ll go back and see if I can find them.”

The cop, now a bit suspicious, stopped her. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no,” she replied with a chuckle. “Nothing like that. You see, my backyard backs up to a golf course. A lot of golfers come by and, well, relieve themselves through a knothole in my fence, right into my flower garden. Used to drive me crazy—ruined my flowers, you know. Then I had an idea.”

She leaned in conspiratorially. “I started waiting behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Whenever a golfer sticks his business through the knothole, I grab it and say, ‘Alright, buddy, £20 or it’s coming off!’”

The cop burst out laughing. “That’s… well, that’s certainly creative! I’ve got to hand it to you, that’s some clever thinking. But, uh,” he added, pointing to the other bag, “what’s in that one?”

The old lady gave him a sly grin and said, “Not everyone pays.”

02/09/2025

When mom is no more 🥰

When you lose your mother, you will lose the person who loved you the most, the one who knew you the best and the one who always forgave you. She was the one who erased your fears and found you when you felt lost.

When you lose your mom, no one will remind you to bundle up if it's cold, nor will she call you every two hours to check on you when you're feeling bad. When you make mistakes, others will get angry and you will have to apologize, because only she endured your bad character and loved you even on your worst days.

You'll miss her every Christmas, every birthday, and every time something good happens to you, you'll want to share it with her. But you will realize that her chair is empty and she will never be by your side again.

There will be people who know you, but no one like her. Many will love you, but they won't love you more than themselves, like she did.

When you lose your mother, the world will be a little sadder, stranger, smaller.. and you too.

22/08/2025

The Sweet Shop.

Just around the corner
at the bottom of our street
there’s a little shop we go to.
One that just sells sweets.
When we get our pocket money
there’s nothing we like more
than to make an expedition
to our little sweet shop store.

There’s so much to choose from.
Sweets of every kind.
So making a decision,
well, it’s best to take your time.
The money in your pocket
is very hard to save.
with jars and jars upon the shelf
Just like an Aladdin’s cave.

There’s dolly mixtures. butterscotch
and little sherbet dips
Jelly babies, caramel
and those lovely walnut whips.
There are chocolate covered toffees,
funny sugar mice,
and little sherbet lemons.
All so very nice.

Blackjacks, dib dabs
not forgetting bubble gum
There’s liquorice and marshmallows
That melt upon your tongue.
Caramel and fudge bars
and little rainbow bites.
there’s so much there to choose from
and so much that I like.

Fizzy flying saucers,
that dissolve into your mouth.
or there’s the nice fruit salad.
Now that’s good for your health.
Smarties, nugget, cream eggs
pear or lemon drops.
Milky bars or chocolate
or maybe lollypops.

Bounty bars, Maltesers, and those wagon wheels

maybe try some Bon Bons, or the fruit pastilles
Chocolate covered raisins
maybe this time I might.
try out the butterscotch
or try Turkish delight.

I finally make my mind up
as they wrap my choice of sweets.
paying the assistant he then hands me my treats.
I can’t wait to taste them although it won’t fair,
if at least when I get home I offer them to share

21/08/2025

A POEM THAT SOME CAN RELATE TO
I remember the cheese of my childhood,
And the bread that we cut with a knife
When the children helped with the housework,
And the men went to work not the wife.
The cheese never needed a fridge,
And the bread was so crusty and hot
The children were seldom unhappy
And the wife was content with her lot.
I remember the milk from the bottle,
With the yummy cream on the top,
Our dinner came hot from the oven,
And not from the fridge; in the shop.
The kids were a lot more contented,
They didn't need money for kicks,
Just a game with their mates in the road,
And sometimes the Saturday flicks.
I remember the shop on the corner,
Where a pen'orth of sweets was sold
Do you think I'm a bit too nostalgic?
Or is it...I'm just getting old?
I remember the 'loo' was the lav
And the bogey man came in the night,
It wasn't the least bit funny
Going "out back" with no light.
The interesting items we perused
From the newspapers cut into squares,
And hung on a peg in the loo,
It took little to keep us amused.
The clothes were boiled in the copper
With plenty of rich foamy suds
But the ironing seemed never ending
As Mum pressed everyone's 'duds'.
I remember the slap on my backside,
And the taste of soap if I swore
Anorexia and diets weren't heard of
And we hadn't much choice what we wore.
Do you think that bruised our ego?
Or our initiative was destroyed?
We ate what was put on the table
And I think life was better enjoyed.