
08/02/2025
“Friends Don’t Leave Each Other Behind.”
That’s what I heard my daughter say to her friend while they were playing during our camping trip. A moment later, another gem:
“Friends don’t do that to each other.”
No adults had taught them those lines.
They weren’t parroting rules from a lesson.
They were building something together.
A shared norm.
A moral boundary.
An emotional code they both agreed to uphold.
All in the middle of a game.
And it made me think about dogs 😳. And about language. And about what really separates us, not in value, but in process.
Because dogs do communicate.
A growl might say “stop.”
A bow might say it’s “play.”
A bark might say “I’m not okay with this.”
Dogs also learn from experience.
A dog who gets growled at for approaching a toy may avoid doing it again.
That’s associative learning, cause and effect, based on outcomes in the moment.
But when a child says “friends don’t do that,” they’re not just avoiding a consequence, they’re establishing a rule that applies tomorrow, in new situations, even when no one’s upset.
They’re invoking a shared identity, a standard of behavior, and a moral expectation that lives outside the moment.
That’s not just learning. That’s moral construction. And it only happens because of language.
Language lets us revisit the past. Propose a different future. Define what “good” even means, together.
And it’s why, even though dogs are social and intelligent and emotionally complex, what they don’t have is this:
A moral world that’s built, sustained, and enforced through words.
Which doesn’t make them less worthy.
It just means the relationship is different.
It means when we build rules for our lives together, dog and human, we have to remember:
Only one of us is equipped to speak the rules out loud and apply the words to a framework. Only one of us is responsible for how those rules are shaped.