08/07/2025
I think one of the hardest parts about horse rescue and horse sanctuary care is constantly ruminating on if you're making the right choices. I try SO hard not to let myself fall into a cycle of what ifs because the anxiety they produce can keep me up all night. It probably also doesn't help that there are just SO many opinions and schools of thought in the horse world.
I try to focus on our little herd and focus on what feels right, but doubts are ever present and then I find myself justifying my decisions to myself and getting frustrated. Sometimes I just want to turn my inner monologue off, but that lady's chatty.
One thing that Xena and her chronic struggles has taught me is that I need to push my patience. (Patience is a virtue, it's just not mine) It takes time for change to happen with these older critters. It's taken so long for Xena to have hooves in better shape, though we will always I think deal with flare ups of her thrush issues when the ground gets too moist. It took time for Xena's gut to reset when transitioning to a forage based diet from senior grains but it eventually did.
I need to remind myself that Annie has made so much progress and that it is going to take time for her body to catch up. She's getting consistent with her consumption of food so I have begun upping her amounts again and hope she can begin to get closer to the intake her body needs. Managing her anxiety through the day has also helped increase her willingness to eat as well. I know it will take time, but I can't help but question if I should be throwing more at her, or if doing so would just be to ease my mind while wasting food that she won't eat.
We're at the point of the year where I'm starting to see the shed of summer fuzz in preparation for their winter coats to begin growing in. This is when I'll be watching everyone a little closer to make sure that they are maintaining a good weight if not gaining a little and that the coats coming in are healthy looking.
I fear that Annie's teeth are in desperate need of an exam and that they are likely a reason why she isn't the biggest eater and why she may not be getting the most out of what she does eat. But where she's still so fragile in her trust and making slow yet steady progress with letting a halter touch her face, I'm at a loss of what to do. I have no doubt that if it came to it she could be forced into one but at what cost? When her anxiety goes up she doesn't eat and she won't stop moving. Trying to force her I feel would absolutely put her in worse shape physically, nevermind that it would destroy the trust we're building. So I sit here questioning how much will she let me push her comfort zone next time and the next? How quickly can I get her haltered so I can start working on getting her to take sedation? How tough will sedation be on her old body? Will she ever even let me get dorm gel in her mouth? Is it possible just to get her with a tranq dart to knock her off her feet for a bit and quickly give her the works now?? (Only slightly joking on that)
There's just so many questions and moments of doubt that replay over and over in the back of my mind each day and I know I'm not alone. Everyone in the rescue industry is faced with the never ending questions we silently ask ourselves again and again, I just don't think we talk about it enough.
