805 Poop Patrol llc

08/08/2025

How am I supposed to work under these conditions! I’m filing a complaint with HR. I see a WC claim in my future.

08/05/2025

Kevin (pictured left) hates his job and the view from his office cubicle. 805 P**p Patrol’s office view (right). Kevin should quit his job. But until then, Kevin calls 805 P**p Patrol to pick up after Fido…..so Kevin can drink his sorrows away when he gets home to this view. Kevin needs a remote work option. Be more like Kevin…call 805 P**p Patrol to handle the dog waste….so you don’t have to. 805-364-1118.

08/04/2025

🎉 Fiesta’s over, the confetti’s gone… but the dog p**p? Still hanging around like an uninvited guest.

Start your week off right with a yard that’s clean, fresh, and fiesta-free (if you know what we mean 💩).

805 P**p Patrol is here to scoop what your pup left behind — so you can recover from the party, not the p**p.

📞 805-364-1118
📧 marc@805p**ppatrol.com
www.805p**ppatrol.com

**pFreePostFiesta **pPatrol

Professional pet waste removal services in Santa Barbara, CA. Customized schedules for residential and commercial cleanings. Licensed and insured. Book now!

08/01/2025

Celebrate Fiesta in Santa Barbara in your yard without fear of stepping in dog p**p. Call/Text 805-364-1118 for the 805 P**p Patrol Fiesta Specials. Fiesta Pricing only available until August 6th so you should really call Marc….or you can book on

Professional pet waste removal services in Santa Barbara, CA. Customized schedules for residential and commercial cleanings. Licensed and insured. Book now!

07/29/2025

Today was the scariest day of scooping I have had since starting this business. For the record, in a previous life I was, at times, required to be bitten by Belgian Malinois for training so this isn’t a dog bite story. It is however a cautionary tale and a suggestion. If you are in this or any other dog interaction business, learn k-9 first aid/cpr. I know how to treat a dog bite if I get bit so that’s not the source of the statement. Today, while scooping at a customers residence, one of my clients doggos (A Yellow Lab Puppy) began acting strangely. Suddenly not wanting to love on my pocket full of soft treats. I quickly noticed she had an object in her mouth because it sounded like metal on teeth. I called her over to me and she fell over. Imagine my old profession kicked in and I ran over and scooped her up in my arms…her eyes wide open and her struggling to breath. Pictured is the item I had to extract with my hand from her throat. The photo of her is minutes later….asking for more of what I have on my pocket. Take aways from this.

1. Learn K-9 first aid (and teach your staff if you are blessed enough to have staff)
2. Immediately notify your client if s**t goes sideways with one of their doggos….both if you get injured by the dog or if the dog gets injured.

Thanks for Attending My TedTalk

Marc - Out.

07/18/2025

If you have a yard and a dog that p**ps….we can help with that situation…especially if it’s crappy. If you are a CEO at a Coldplay concert with your HR Director as your “Date” this too is a crap situation, but you did that….we can’t do anything to help you with your dumb decision to step out on your marriage so publically. Call us @ 805-364-1118 or visit 805p**ppatrol.com. Prices start at $18 a week…for the dog p**p removal/collection, not the cheating. 805 P**p Patrol out!

07/14/2025

Poppy says “I have the inside scoop on how you can have a cool yard like me. Just call Marc at 805 P**p Patrol. Weekly service starts at $18 a visit and I can p**p as much as I want! His number is 805-364-1118. Call or Text to get on the schedule…your puppers will appreciate it and so will your shoes. Service available from Carpinteria to Goleta, Ca.

Poppy…..out!

07/06/2025

🎆 Fireworks Scare the Crap Out of Dogs… Literally. 💩

While you’re enjoying BBQ, beer, and the boom-booms — your poor pup is panic-p**ping in the backyard. 🐶💥

Don’t worry, 805 P**p Patrol has your six. We’ll scoop the aftermath of your dog’s Independence Day meltdown so your yard can stay land of the free and home of the clean. 🇺🇸🧼

📍 Serving from Goleta to Montecito
📞 Call or text 805-364-1118
📧 marc@805p**ppatrol.com

This 4th, we’ll handle the p**p show. You handle the grill. 🍔💣

www.805p**ppatrol.com

06/28/2025

🐾 BREAKING NEWS: Your dog doesn’t care about gas prices, HOA rules, or your new white sneakers.
But don’t worry — 805 P**p Patrol does. 💩

We scoop so you don’t have to stoop.
📞 Call or text 805-364-1118
📧 marc@805p**ppatrol.com
🌐 805P**pPatrol.com

It’s a dirty job… but someone’s got to doo it. 😎

06/27/2025

Tired of stepping into surprises? Let 805 P**p Patrol handle the mess so you can get back to playtime!
🌳 Professional dog-waste removal
🚫 No contracts—cancel anytime
🧼 Sparkling clean yards, happier pets & families
📸 “We text before & after pics”—so you never wonder if we’ve been!

Sit back, relax, and enjoy a p**p‑free yard. Message us to schedule your first 🧼FREE walk-through quote or call/text 805-364-1118. **p

06/27/2025

This July 1, California’s gas prices may go up by a measly dime—but guess what stays the same?
The wisdom of leaving your dog’s yard cleanup to us.
While politicians mess with fuel taxes, we’ll still scoop your p**p for the SAME price.
No extra fee per pile—even if pump prices pile up.
📞 805‑364‑1118
✉️ marc@805p**ppatrol.com
805 P**p Patrol: The only prices that don’t stink—even when gas does.

06/02/2025

🚨Monday Mayhem? We’ve got your yard covered!🚨
Start the week fresh—your dog did their business, now let us handle ours.

Whether it’s one pile or a backyard battlefield, 805 P**p Patrol scoops the 💩 so you don’t have to. Reliable. Affordable. Kinda heroic, actually.

📍Serving Goleta to Montecito
📅 Weekly • Bi-weekly • Monthly plans
🐾 Residential & Commercial
📞 Call or text 805-364-1118
🌐 www.805p**ppatrol.com

Your lawn called. It wants to be p**p-free again.

**pPatrol **pRemoval