10/01/2026
Bark Twain — On Confetti
I have observed that humans are fond of confetti.
They manufacture it in factories,
purchase it in bags,
and scatter it about
whenever something particularly agreeable has occurred.
Dogs, being a more practical species,
see no reason for the middleman.
Give us a cardboard box,
a paper towel roll,
or a toy whose structural integrity has become tiresome,
and we can produce confetti on the premises.
There is no need for machinery.
No trip to the store.
No advance planning.
Only enthusiasm
and a respectable set of teeth.
The finished product may be distributed across the living room
with astonishing efficiency.
And yet—
when humans throw tiny pieces of paper everywhere,
it is a celebration.
When we do it,
someone gets the vacuum.
I have given considerable thought to this distinction.
I can find no principle behind it.
Only ownership.
