12/11/2025
What is your "why"? For those that like to read...
This past summer and fall, I set out to push myself in my business. I am blessed to have the demand, so I wanted to see how much I could take on. By August I found myself hitting a hard wall, one I am not unfamiliar with, but thought "I'm immune" since I'm doing what I love...hello, burnout.
Every week, I kept saying "Ok, just have to get through *insert event/ show/ challenge here* and I can take a breath". Well, that never came, and now I just purchased a very cool, very feely c**t. No doubt, I manifested him, he is exactly what I was looking for as a next potential mount. His start was fabulous, he is so smooth and a true athlete. Sunshine and rainbows came to a pause when I got a little ahead of myself, rushing through things thinking I had something to prove.
The burnout, anxiety, fear, and pressure I was putting on myself all summer came out in my c**t. I had myself in a pickle and he told on me. Turns out, he was just showing me exactly where I was in my horsemanship.
I knew it was me, not my c**t. I was struggling to figure out how I needed to change and let go so that I can help this horse be the best version of himself. I am grateful to be surrounded by some amazing mentors near and far. Joanne Gelinas-Snow helped me step back and slow down, eyes on the ground are so important no matter where you are in your journey. Then I was lucky to spend two weeks with Tom and Trina Curtin at their place for winter camp.
Up until this point, I was forcing so much. Forcing myself to take on more because I felt I should, forcing myself to harden so I could set boundaries, forcing myself to be something I wasn't ready for because I needed to "get something done" with this c**t. But why? What part of this gets me towards the lifestyle I want to lead? What part of this gets the horses where they need to be? If I wasn't feeling good about myself, how could I help him feel good?
So, what is the why? What's the point?
Well, at the end of the day this is my lifestyle and all I want is to live a life of peace, balance, and harmony with horses. How? By learning to be a better human for these horses. By not forcing things to happen, but setting it up and allowing it.
I think this was a major piece of my horsemanship I was missing. I may not necessarily have it yet, but I'm going to do my best each day to connect back to my "why" by practicing awareness, feel, timing, and balance. If I feel like I'm getting lost, well then I suppose I'll quiet down and let my horses guide me back. Or as the amazing Jerry Garcia would say, "...just listen to the music play".
I'm not one to share a whole lot on here, so not sure why I felt compelled to do so today, but I suppose in part is to hold me accountable as a professional and human... but I also hope that these thoughts and ideas resonate with my fellow horsemen and women. From teacher to student, from professional to professional, from student to teacher.
Going through this struggle was really important for me. No one likes to struggle, I still have a LOT of struggling to do, but I always know there is something really, really cool on the other side... a step closer to figuring out my "why", and to learning how to just "be".
**tstarting
