
10/08/2025
“I don’t always agree with you but I love what you write, anyway.”
Huh? What does this comment—and readers so often say this—even mean? Am I to feel grateful? Chastised? Am I to vow to do better? Wonder where I went wrong? Mend my ways, so that I’ll not risk losing you, forever?
I think this sentiment is probably sent in support and kindness. Yet, try as I might to take it at face value, it still makes me feel uncomfortable and misunderstood. Why? Because we're better than that!
Here’s the thing. Healthy disagreement—that is, without put-downs or name-calling—is actually good for you and me! If your opinions conflict with mine, it means that I am making you think. It means that you are not being spoon-fed information that goes down easily, that feels good without any sort of challenging thought.
It means that you and I aren’t in the icky relationship of sage-and-sycophant.
It means that I am speaking my own truth, without pandering to the acceptance of others. Teaching effectively is not some sort of popularity contest, particularly if you have reservations about the mob mentality that exists within much of current horsemanship, as I do.
I just don’t believe that everything we already know is flawed and that all we’ve yet to learn is better for our horses, as is so often being taught.
There have been—and still are—too many beautiful horse-and-rider combos to blanket all traditional horsemanship with shame.
There were far too many beautiful hunt seat equitation riders and western pleasure horses in the 1960s and '70s to swallow this whole. No matter what we currently believe when it comes to self-betterment, we can still make life hard for our horses!
Usually, what I am sharing is a lived experience, rather than a theory that supports a particular program. It can surprise people to learn that personal opinions have no bearing on someone else’s reality.
Your opinion does not change my past. We simply cannot agree, or disagree, with events that have taken place in someone else’s life. To do so is neither empathetic, nor the thought process of a grown-up.
Finally, few of us consider that it is unhealthy and self-limiting to follow only the people who will keep us comfortable by echoing our already-ingrained thoughts. That once on the band wagon, we can be asked nothing too demanding, or else we should jump off, lest the wagon run away with us.
You don’t have to agree with me but please, don’t tell me that while we don’t see eye to eye, you love me, anyway. As opposed to what? That I try to write more agreeably, so that we can be friends? No. We’re better, stronger, more elastic, more growth-minded and way more mature than this, no matter how well-intentioned the comment.
Your personal experiences and my own should not be the qualifier on whether we like and trust one another! I just don't think that love should be offered on the condition that people will always agree!
Read. Think. Feel. Ride.
Then, do or don’t. We can still be friends.