11/03/2025
This really rings true not just with young, green horses, but any. We are all human and all have bad days, but the key to avoiding frustration is knowing your limits. Never start a conversation with a horse you don't want to finish! Do you know you are running low on energy and patience, maybe today isn't the day to school the super complicated exercise you were struggling with on your best day. Generally speaking a day off or a fun, light day won't send your horses spiraling backwards, but as this article says so well: frustration has consequences down the road!
"I had the worst lesson this weekend. Even though the sun was shining, my horse had been worked all week and was a total lamb the day before, he came out like a raging idiot. I mean spooking at nothing idiot. The bolting into other horses in our lesson and leaping into the air kind of idiot.
Now, Iām no dummy and know when itās time to get off and lunge. I lunged. He leaped. Leaped some more. But eventually he cantered around quietly, and I got back on to do a few small courses to end on a good note.
Except I ended up in the dirt. He spooked at nothing two strides after a fence, spun left and I flew off like the last shred of my sanity that had been holding on throughout the last bit of the year.
Luckily, I wasnāt hurt. I brushed off my butt, but then I felt the switch flip. From mild annoyance and āhorses will be horsesā to full āOh hell no you didnāt do that to me!ā We went to lunge again. There was more leaping. Eventually I scraped together the last of my bravery to get back on, get over a few crossrails without spooking, and call it a day. But walking back to the barn, I scowled at my horse. While hosing him off, I popped the crosstie when he wouldnāt stand still. When poulticing him since he ran around in more tight circles than I ever want my horses to, I growled at him to keep his feet on the ground. He jigged all the way back to his stall. He never settled.
And it was all my fault, because I got frustrated.
Now donāt get me wrong, I donāt fall on my sword for baby horses being green and having broken brain days. That happens. It wasnāt my fault he was fresh and spooking. It wasnāt even my fault that I fell off, although I certainly wish I could sit a big spook better than I can. But it was my fault that I got frustrated.
You see frustration a lot, and itās never pretty. Remember the amateur that kicked her horse after falling off in the Hampton Classic? Frustration. Iāve seen BNRās whip their horse and yank them in the mouth in the middle of high-stakes Grand Prix rounds. Frustration. While I did not kick my horse, beat him or abuse his mouth for his antics during my lesson, I was equally as frustrated with him as those riders. Instead of rewarding him for the good moments, I stewed. Instead of being a calm and supportive leader, I reacted. And reflecting on this after the fact, it feels just as bad.
Iāve always had a temper, but not for the reason people think. I donāt get frustrated because Iām aggressive, angry and ready to blow up at any moment. I get frustrated because Iām incredibly anxious. My therapist says that anger and frustration is a straight line to anxiety. Itās simply a different way to exhibit the feeling. So as an adult amateur rider that lacks confidence in her abilities, is anxious when things go wrong, and often scared when trying new things (or you know, oxers), itās natural that I would get frustrated. But frustration is the worst thing you can do for your riding. The minute I, or anyone for that matter, dips into frustration, you might as well get off if you quickly canāt switch your way of thinking.
Because everything we do as equestriansāwhether itās on the horse or on the ground beside itādepends on feel. I donāt have lots of money, natural talent or sheer bravery, but I pride myself on having a good feel for horses (after a lot of help from trainers and experience of course). Control a rogue shoulder during flatwork? Got it. Micro-correct on the lunge line before a situation spirals? No problem. But when Iām frustrated, I canāt feel for anything. I over-correct and over-react, which is the worst thing you can do for a young, green horse. So no, of course I didnāt kick or beat or yank my horse to death today, but I feel just as bad as if I did. Because I could have done so much better if I controlled my emotions.
This is what I always envy about professional riders. They seem so unemotional, so logical when riding. Us amateurs, because I know Iām not the only one, we get in our heads. That manifests in different ways. I wish I could say that frustration was my only issue!
This awful lesson was a good reminder of how I need to look at my horse, even when heās acting like a total idiot. The best answer I have to frustration is simply a deep breath. Yes, it can be hard to do that when youāre sitting in the dirt, but itās essential. And if itās the kind of day where you canāt seem to cool off and get into a neutral place, you need to just get off. Tomorrow is another day.
The next time I ride, Iāll have to be extra nuanced around my horse. They donāt forget anything, and frustration has aftershocks. But Iāll take deep breaths, stay objective, and get us back to a good place. It shouldnāt be long, because even anxious adult amateurs learn from every experienceāgood or bad. Weāre a lot like green horses that way."
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