05/22/2026
Yesterday afternoon, much to everyone’s surprise - especially mine - my libido made a brief visit to the mothership.
There were a number of factors involved:
The sun was out but it wasn’t too hot.
The washing looked nice on the line.
Husband had shorts on.
Husband had sexy sunglasses on.
I’ve watched three episodes of Rivals, series 2.
I had, by coincidence, done the great shave from eyebrows down that very morning.
So, there I was, sitting in the dappled sunshine, admiring my washing and feeling slightly twitchy because I don’t have matchy matchy pegs, when my husband produced a lovely glass of vodka and lemonade.
I could hear a tractor in the distance and I wondered idly if Pierre would have his top off as the temperature is set to rocket this week.
This thought drifted across my brain at the exact same time as my husband leaned over and gave me a quick kiss, so I’ll never know if it was the power of his kiss, or the thought of a semi naked 30 something farmer that woke up lady libido.
But I have my shameful suspicions.
I felt flutterings.
At first I thought something had flown up my skirt or I’d sat on a butterfly.
I shifted about on the seat.
The tractor hummed.
They’ll be harvesting all the delicious juicy melons. I pictured Pierre, Poldark like with his scythe, slashing away in a field, and began to fan myself with Jane Eyre.
I’m pretty sure they don’t use a scythe to harvest melons, but Pierre Poldark morphed into Aidan Turner in the shower in Rivals and my finger twitched, thrillingly.
If you know you know.
Jane Eyre was a blur in front of my face.
I stood up, rather abruptly, double checked there was not, indeed, a half squashed moth fighting for its life under my nethers, and realised that the flutterings were coming from my dormant vag.
Alas, David had dropped off in the sun, his mouth slightly agape, so I said ‘what gorgeous lesbians’ and he was suddenly wide awake, alert and ready for action.
The dogs growled, sensing mummy was about to be deflowered.
He was dispatched to find a dog treat that would last longer than five minutes, and I raced upstairs to slip into something that made my b***s look great, but adequately covered the ample veranda above the toy shop.
I lay, in what I thought might be a seductive position, on my side.
My b***s flopped sideways and the veranda hit the bed.
I looked like I had melted.
But f**k it all, who cares?
David asked why I had the window open, I lied and said I was too hot, and thus, a lovely time was had by all, merrily accompanied to the sound of a tractor, beavering away in the background.
I think I might need to rent rooms out to menopausal women.
Copyright Middle age madness/Sarah Stenton
Picture: I must’ve done something right because Lola and I have been gifted breakfast in bed 😘🤩
If you enjoyed this, I have written several books. Search Sarah Stenton on Amazon. The pink glasses one is first 💕.
