06/07/2026
The Mr. Dog Log š©
June 7th Edition
āFree Advice, Questionable Age Math, and a Golden Retriever Crime Ringā
P**p, here it is. š©
This week featured:
attempted information theft,
a dairy-based homework assignment,
a fruit-themed identity crisis,
and a retriever who redirected his talents toward a more legitimate career path.
Let's get into it.
Monday: The Free Sample Economy
Been getting a lot of calls lately that start with:
"I don't have any money for training, but..."
And listen.
I get it.
But I am, quite literally, in the business of selling information.
Information is the product.
Imagine calling other professionals for free tips.
"Hi, dentist? I can't afford an appointment, but could you just tell me which tooth is causing all this blood?"
"Hello, plumber? Could you explain how to fix my bathroom over the phone? I'll tell people you were very helpful."
"Good afternoon, accountant. I'm not looking to hire you. Just walk me through my taxes real quick."
"Hi, mechanic. The car is making a sound. Can you diagnose it from this interpretive humming?"
"Hello, therapist. Before we begin, I'd like to discuss all my childhood issues for free."
See how weird that sounds?
Exactly.
Tuesday: Normal Dog Trainer Sentence
Actual words that came out of my mouth during a virtual class this week:
"Go get your cheese and I'll be back to check on you."
Perfectly normal.
No follow-up questions.
Wednesday: Name of the Week
Name of the week:
K*mquat.
First of all, elite fruit name.
Second of all...
How are we shortening that?
K*m?
Absolutely not.
Quat?
Sounds like a medieval illness.
Honestly, I think we're stuck saying the whole thing.
Which is fine.
Because if you're naming your dog K*mquat, efficiency was never the goal.
Thursday: Age Is Just A Number
One of the questions on my registration forms is:
How old is your dog?
And I've noticed something.
People get very committed to months.
Puppy?
Perfect.
Adolescent?
Reasonable.
But eventually we have to stop.
This week I received a registration for a 36-month-old dog.
Thirty-six months.
Friends.
That's three.
The dog is three.
If we're doing this forever, where does it end?
As a 556-month-old dog trainer, I would like answers.
Friday: Client Win of the Week
Client win of the week:
Golden retriever.
Professional thief.
Socks.
Dish towels.
Remote controls.
Anything not nailed down.
His people were exhausted.
Not because he was stealing things.
Because he was stealing things and then immediately playing keep-away.
So we got to work.
And this week?
Success.
Now when he finds contraband, he proudly brings it to his humans.
Which is how one owner recently found themselves being presented with:
a decorative gourd.
No one knows where it came from.
No one owns a decorative gourd.
The dog simply appeared with it.
Like a tiny golden farmer returning from harvest.
Growth.
Character development.
Agriculture.
And That's The Week
From defending the concept of paid employment,
to assigning dairy-related homework,
to debating fruit nicknames,
to questioning advanced age math,
to celebrating produce-based retrieval,
we made it through.
May your expertise retain value,
may your cheese be close at hand,
and may your gifts from golden retrievers remain mostly explainable.
Until next Sunday,
ā Sara & P š¾š©
