06/11/2026
The Cat With the Hands: Phase One
Osiris: The plan is progressing nicely.
Me: What plan?
Osiris: World domination, obviously. First, we convinced humans to feed us. Then we convinced them to clean our litter boxes. Now comes the final stage...
Me: And what's that?
Osiris: Human transportation.
Me: That's not a thing.
Osiris: Observe.
Leaps onto shoulders.
Osiris: Forward, steed. The zucchini require inspection.
Me: You're a cat.
Osiris: Incorrect. I am management.
Five minutes later...
Osiris: Slower. I must evaluate the squash.
Me: You haven't walked a single step yourself.
Osiris: Why would I? I have hands now.
Me: You do not have hands.
Osiris: Then explain why you're carrying me through the garden while I supervise.
Me: 🙄
Osiris: Excellent. Next, we shall inspect the tomatoes. Then perhaps conquer a neighboring kingdom.
Me: You mean the backyard.
Osiris: The backyard... for now. 😼🌱👑
