11/05/2025
📰 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 😲
FROM THE DESK OF NASA PUBLIC RELATIONS SUBJECT: Unprecedented Discovery: Reptilian Species Operating 3I ATLAS
from NASA! Our deep-space telescopes have captured undeniable evidence of advanced extraterrestrial activity. What you are witnessing is not a drill. This is not a drill.
Preliminary analysis of astronomical data confirms that the previously classified "3I ATLAS" rock-formed alien vessel is indeed under the command of what appears to be... a particularly majestic bearded dragon. Yes, you read that correctly.
While we are still processing this groundbreaking information, initial observations suggest:
The reptilian species seems highly adept at space travel, despite lacking opposable thumbs for conventional control panels. (Perhaps they're using their tails? More data needed.)
Their ship appears to be crafted from organic, possibly terrestrial, rock formations. We're pretty sure it's not just a very large, well-camouflaged pet rock.
The glowing "3I ATLAS" inscription strongly implies they've mastered intergalactic branding. We at NASA are taking notes.
Further investigation is underway to determine if this signals an invasion, a diplomatic mission, or simply a very adventurous pet who got a bit too curious about the rocket science textbooks.
We urge the public to remain calm and perhaps offer their bearded dragons a few extra dubia roaches from Reptile Deli.
Updates will follow as soon as we figure out if they prefer mealworms or freeze-dried astronaut ice cream.
