18/06/2025
When Your Stress Becomes Their Stress
A recent AP News feature highlights something every professional sitter has witnessed: dogs and cats are profoundly sensitive to the energy we bring into their homes. When we're tense, they often mirror that tension - panting more than usual, pacing, or retreating to hide. And when your visit coincides with an owner's departure, their uncertainty can spike.
Take Misha, a shy cat I currently care for. When I first met her during our introductory meeting, her owner was genuinely surprised she even stayed in the same room - apparently, she usually disappears the moment strangers arrive. But with Misha, I was able to immediately apply my knowledge of reading stress signals and see the benefits unfold in real time. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know: when anxious, they'd go wide - almost startled. When relaxed, they'd soften and close by about 25%. It's subtle, but once you learn to read these micro-signals, they become your roadmap to trust.
That first meeting, I saw those wide eyes and immediately pulled my energy back into myself - what I think of as making myself energetically smaller. I moved slowly, avoided reaching out, and gave her complete control of the interaction. Her response? She came over and did a big, luxurious stretch right in front of me. That stretch was her way of saying "okay, you get it" - a clear sign that by reading her correctly and backing off, I'd significantly reduced her stress and begun building trust between us.
Why this matters for sitters:
As the temporary guardian of someone's beloved companion, your calm presence is more than a nicety - it's essential. Here's how you can help minimise stress and build trust, whether during that crucial first introduction or throughout your time as their caregiver:
During introductory meetings:
Mindful arrival ritual: Pause at the door for two deep breaths. Greet with a soft tone - no sudden movements. Place your keys and bag gently; let the animals see there's no threat.
Read the room (and the animal): Learn their specific stress signals: wide eyes, flattened ears, rigid posture, or excessive panting. Watch for relaxation cues: soft eyes, stretching, voluntary approach, or settling into normal positions. Adjust your energy accordingly - sometimes "smaller" presence is exactly what they need.
During actual pet sitting visits:
Remember, even if you've met before, every time you re-enter their space when they're expecting their owner - not you - you need to test the waters and see how they respond. You're still a visitor in their territory, and that gentle approach remains essential even when you've established previous rapport.
Respectful re-entry: Each arrival should be treated with the same mindfulness as your first meeting. Animals may react differently when their owner isn't present, so gauge their comfort level before proceeding.
Consistent routines: Follow the feeding, walk, and play schedule to the minute. If you need to adjust timing, signal the change with reassuring words. Familiar items (the same leash, the same mat) go a long way.
Thoughtful environment enhancement: Use their own toys strategically to redirect nervous energy. Introduce an interactive feeder or puzzle toy if they have one. Keep noise levels low - avoid loud music or abrupt door slams.
Progressive relationship-building: Begin each visit with a brief "settling" period - sit quietly nearby before engaging. Use short, positive-reward moments (treats for eye contact or relaxed posture). Record notes after each visit: small wins like a relaxed stretch or voluntary approach.
When to seek professional input: If panting, shaking, or hiding persist beyond the first few visits, suggest the owner consult a veterinarian or certified behaviourist. Document timing, frequency, and triggers to share valuable insights.
By centring our role as stabilising presences, we honour the trust owners place in us - and create a sanctuary of calm for every dog and cat in our care. When you learn to read their language and respond appropriately, what began as a "new" face at the door becomes a familiar, reassuring friend. Just ask Misha - she's still stretching.
