The Raw Empawrium Poop Patrol

18/04/2026

07/04/2026

☀️ Who’s out enjoying this sunshine then?!

Or are you stood at back door thinking…
“yeahhh… garden’s still a no from me” 💩😂

Because let’s be honest .. after winter, most gardens are an absolute state… and that’s putting it politely 🤣

So here’s one for you…

For the next 2 weeks only we’re doing:

🔥 10% OFF all FULL DEEP CLEANS 🔥

We’ll come in and get it sorted properly:

✔️ Full P**p Patrol clear up
✔️ Flags cleaned up & brought back to life
✔️ Garden freshened up
✔️ Moss gone
✔️ Artificial grass deep cleaned
✔️ That lovely “dog wee smell”… gone properly

(No cheap sprays… we don’t mask it, we get rid of it 👍)

And listen… no judgement here 😂
We’ve got a full pack ourselves — we KNOW what winter does to a garden 🐾🤣

Based in Pontefract & surrounding areas 📍
Quick, reliable, and we actually take pride in doing it right 💪

📩 Drop us a message to get booked in
(or give us a ring if you want it sorting quicker)

Go on… get that garden back so you can actually sit out with a brew in this weather ☀️🍻

03/04/2026

Before & after from a job we’ve just finished 👇

Garden had got a bit out of hand, happens to the best of us,
but we got it sorted and back looking tidy again 🌿

That’s what I do at P**p Patrol 👍
Helping people get their gardens back to a clean, usable space without the hassle.

• Dog waste removal 🐾
• Garden clear-ups
• Cutting back overgrowth
• Tidy and freshen up

We also offer deep cleans and AstroTurf cleaning 👇
So if your pooch has been using the Astro as their toilet over winter… you’re not alone 😅
We can get it cleaned, disinfected, and smelling fresh again.

No judgement at all , just a proper job done right.

If your garden’s starting to get away from you, or the Astro needs bringing back to life, drop me a message 👍

Local lad, fair prices, and happy to help 💪

19/03/2026

Suns shining
Is your garden looking worse for wear give us a message to get the p**p picked up and p*e washed away the sunshine’s jut around the corner

13/02/2026

🛁✨ SELF SERVICE DOG BATHING IS HERE ✨🛁

Bookings are now being taken for the week after our grand opening of the new premises for our brand new Self Service Bathing Area at Nevison 💚

📅 Sunday 15th March
Available times:
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm

📅 Monday 16th March
Available times:
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm

💦 PRICING 💦

Single dog - 30 minutes – £15.00
Single dog - 1 hour – £20.00
1.5 hours – £28.00 (for multi-dog bookings)
Towel hire if needed – £1.00

What’s included?

✔ Use of our professional bathing equipment
✔ High-powered blasters & dryers
✔ Brushes & combs
✔ Natural pet shampoos & spritz
✔ Full guidance before you start

And the best part?

✨ Both the bath AND grooming table are hydraulic – meaning no lifting needed! ✨

Perfect for large breeds, older dogs, or anyone who doesn’t fancy lifting a wet Labrador 😅

Want to add nail clipping?
I can pop in at the end and clip nails for just £8.00 🐾

This is a great addition to bath and brush your pooches in between their grooms…

Or maybe you’ve been out on a muddy walk and they’ve been diving in mucky puddles 😅

Give us a ring and if the bath is free, you’re more than welcome to use it last minute 💚

No mess at home.
No blocked drains.
No lifting.
Just a clean dog and a stress-free experience ✨

Drop us a message to secure your slot – these will fill quickly 💚

29/01/2026

Evening folks! 👋💩
What a graft today has been — I’ve seen more dog turds than actual daylight, I reckon 😂

Started the day off with a proper deep clean…
This garden had everything: p**p, grime, slime, and whatever else the dog had been saving for me.
We collected, disinfected, jet washed — the full works. Left it gleaming like nowt had ever happened ✔️

Then off to another one-off job — flags were greener than a bag of spinach. Jet washed it all back to normal and scooped the p**ps while I was at it. Customer happy, garden happy, dog… probably already planning its next deposit 😂

Job number three…
De-weeding, jet washing slime, picking up the poos — basically everything but mowing the lawn. P**p Patrol never rests 💪

Then finished the day with our weekly p**p cleans — scooped right in, scooped the p**p out, disinfected everywhere and left it smelling fresh enough that even your mother-in-law would approve.

So if you need a hand in the garden — I’m ya man.
Or maybe you’re like my wife… struggles… or just can’t be arsed doing the p**p run — again, I’m ya man 😎💩

Weekly p**p cleans from just £12.00, including disinfectant.
I’ll scoop it, bag it, bin it, and leave your garden smelling better than it has any right to.

Drop us a message — P**p Patrol on tour 🚚💩💚

25/01/2026

💩 THURSDAYS ARE FILLING UP FAST THANK YOU! 💚
Right then, you lovely lot… Thursdays are now getting snapped up quicker than a dog spotting a dropped sausage 😅🐶

Massive thank you to everyone who’s booked in already honestly, you’re keeping this man VERY busy and very happy 💪🤣

If you’re still wondering whether to get The Raw Empawrium P**p Patrol in, here’s why it’s a belter of an idea:

🐾 Your garden stops smelling like a farmyard
🐾 No more dodging landmines on the way to the washing line
🐾 Your flags stop going that winter-black colour
🐾 Artificial grass stops ponging to the high heavens
🐾 You get a clean, fresh garden… without lifting owt but your brew
🐾 I do the dirty work so you don’t have to (you’re welcome 😏)
🐾 And we top quality pet friendly products

Whether you’re busy, got a house full of dogs, or just sick of gagging every time you open the back door… I’ve got you.

If you want a slot before they’re all gone, give me a shout!
💚 P**p be gone! 💩

24/01/2026

🌿 ARTIFICIAL GRASS DEEP CLEANS FROM £35! 🌿

Spring’s nearly here which means it’s time to tackle the garden your dogs have turned into their own personal wee zone 🤣☀️
And trust us… with 6 dogs and artificial grass ourselves, we KNOW what works. 😂

If your turf smells more “dog wee brewery” than “fresh outdoors,” don’t panic we’ve sorted MUCH worse.

From just £35 you get:

💩 Full p**p clean
🧼 Proper deep clean
🌿 Odours & bacteria gone
✨ Turf freshened up for spring
✔ All using top-quality pet-safe products nowt dodgy

Why ours actually works 👇

We don’t rock up with cheap pine spray.
We use proper pet-friendly products that fix the stink… not just mask it.

And our secret weapon?
The Top Dog Turf PIA Power Wash 💥

It:
✔ Flushes out old urine crystals
✔ Kills the stink-causing bacteria
✔ Cleans deep under the turf
✔ Won’t damage your grass
✔ Leaves it fresher than a Sunday morning in Yorkshire 😅

Basically… it does what your hosepipe thinks it’s doing.

Want to keep it smelling fresh?

Join our weekly p**p clean & disinfectant for just £12 a week perfect for keeping your newly deep cleaned turf smelling brand new (and stopping the dogs reclaiming it by Tuesday 🤣).

📩 Message The Raw Empawrium P**p Patrol to get booked in deep cleans from £35!

22/01/2026

💩 Last Job of the Day…💩

Today’s final clean included:
✔️ P**p disposal
✔️ Leaves removed
✔️ Artificial grass deep clean
✔️ Flags scrubbed back to life
✔️ Winter slime… absolutely annihilated 💨

And honestly… just look how fresh it looks now! Even I’m impressed — and I’ve stared at dog muck all day 🤣

Had a cracking first day overall!
Weather were p**p.
There were actual p**p.
A LOT of p**p.
But it’s been a proper p**p-loving day for this Yorkshire lad 🐾

A massive thank you to everyone who booked in today — truly appreciated 🙏

And to anyone thinking about booking…
Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be shy.
We’ve got 6 dogs ourselves, so trust me… we KNOW how “over-p**ping stimulating” life can get 😂💩

That’s exactly why we’re here — to make your life easier, fresher & a whole lot less smelly!

Roll on tomorrow! 💪💩

22/01/2026

💩 P**p Be Gone! 💚
Garden No.2 of the day is all cleaned up — and now they’ve booked in for weekly p**p cleans! 🙌

Today’s visit included:
✔️ Plenty of p**p removed
✔️ All rubbish picked up
✔️ Siggys cleared
✔️ Full disinfectant treatment
✔️ Washed down for a fresher, safer garden

Thank you so much for booking in with us — we massively appreciate the support for our little P**p Patrol venture! 🐾💚

Need your garden sorting? Pop us a message!