04/04/2025
The information shared about how long it takes for a dog to settle in a new home is a myth.
Dogs are individuals and it takes as long as it takes.
Some dogs may need more time, and help to settle into a new environment
THE 3-3-3 RULE OF RE-HOMING
For those of you who may not have come across it before, the 3-3-3 rule pops up frequently on Facebook, particularly in groups for fearful dog guardians. In essence, the message is this: it takes three days for a dog in a new home to relax a little, three weeks to settle in, and three months to be fully comfortable, thus demonstrating that the process takes time. But how helpful is this? Iโd like to share my recent experiences with Max to help illustrate how I feel about this topic.
We began fostering Max, a young Trailhound, at the end of August. He is now at just over seven months with us in his new home, (yes, we foster-failed in spectacular style - after only a few days, he became one of the family!), and the 3-3-3 rule has been on my mind during this time.
On the whole, Max has settled in relatively quickly, considering he'd never lived in a home before, but having had two and a half years of toileting wherever and whenever he wanted, we have only been accident-free in just the last few weeks.
Besides his lack of experience with living in a home, Max demonstrated some fearful behaviours, separation anxiety and sound sensitivity early on, all potential indicators of pain, and it took several vet visits and then a referral to a lovely vet physio to find discomfort in his back and hip flexors.
Toilet training continued to be very hit and miss, even though Max was going on cue easily enough, and I was taking him out regularly to relieve himself. However, with ongoing physio, this began to resolve very quickly. I believe that the pain he was experiencing was preventing him from emptying himself properly because it was too uncomfortable to maintain his position, so he was going in dribs and drabs whenever he felt the urge.
Max has just reached the point of only needing maintenance physio, and is now progressing really well. He continues to gain confidence daily, and I'm sure there will be further changes in him, as well as the odd setback, as time goes on.
So, the big question! The 3-3-3 rule: help or hindrance?
Yes, it is good to forewarn new guardians that itโs going to take some time for their new friend to settle in, and offer them some kind of an idea of the timeframe in which they might expect to see their best boy or girl feeling settled and safe in their new home. We do like to have a rough idea of what we might expect, donโt we.
However!
Despite the caveat that is usually (but not always) included on the infographic which states that the 3-3-3 rule is a guideline as every dog is different, the fact that it is called a "rule" in the first place is not terribly helpful. The statements made are pretty black and white, with the tendency being that it becomes a goal to aspire to, which could lead to disappointment, disillusionment, and perhaps even desperation, if we feel our dog is not progressing at the rate we believe he should.
Remember: progress is progress, no matter how small a step you feel that may be. Celebrate those successes with your dog, and marvel as they flourish!
Try not to compare your dog's journey with that of others, and be kind to yourself also. It is all too easy to develop unfair and unrealistic expectations, while placing pressure on ourselves to conform to the 3-3-3 rule and, more importantly, placing pressure on our dogs.
We do need to remember that every dog is different, as per the caveat, so that we allow for varying confidence and resilience levels, but we should also not forget that other factors, such as genetic components and previous learning experiences, will contribute hugely towards how long a dog might take to feel truly settled. What about those dogs which have never lived in a home before, or had regular human contact? Or those which have experienced trauma, or suffer from fear and anxiety? There are so many different scenarios in which dogs are re-homed, not to mention additional complications such as having medical conditions or undiagnosed pain.
We also need to take into account the knowledge and experience of the guardian. Are they well-versed in reading body language? Are they able to identify potential triggers and minimise stressors to help the dog to decompress fully? Have they been able to implement suitable management strategies inside and outside of the home environment to keep the dog feeling safe? Are they patient enough to take things as slowly as is necessary, and is everyone in the household on board so that there is consistency?
Or, perhaps the guardians resort to luring and coaxing their new, shy dog; the one who has no prior experience of human kindness. Do they try to hand-feed meals and make repeated attempts to touch him, in the belief that it will speed things up?
These are just a few of the factors at play and, as you can see, there are many variables which will impact on how long feeling safe can take. Yes, the rate of progress might pan out to be along the lines of the 3-3-3 rule parameters, or it may be quicker. But, for dogs who might be sensitive and easily worried, it might be a whole lot longer, and thatโs okay too! Each dog is an individual and should be treated as such; there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to adjusting to a new life.
The bottom line has to be: donโt be tempted to rush things or try to find shortcuts; TAKE THINGS SLOWLY. FEELING SAFE TAKES AS LONG AS IT TAKES!
ยฉ Trailie Paws For Thought
www.trailiepawsforthought.com
Also available as a blog post: https://www.trailiepawsforthought.com/post/the-3-3-3-rule-help-or-hindrance
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Image text reads:
โ3-3-3 ruleโ, with a red cross through it.
* Put aside expectations
* Go slowly
* Celebrate every success
Feeling safe takes as long as it takes!