08/04/2026
Meet Alfie 🦕 🐾
Alfie is, technically, a dog. In practice, he is more of a mobile beanbag with emotions. A gravitational event. A friendly landslide with paws.
He doesn’t enter a room so much as… arrive. Slowly. Inevitably. Like furniture that learned to love.
Alfie loves people. He loves dogs. He loves everything. In fact, the only thing bigger than Alfie himself is Alfie’s enthusiasm for existing in the same general vicinity as you. If you are within a 10-meter radius, congratulations—you are now his favorite person.
Petting Alfie is a commitment. At first, it’s innocent. A gentle pat. A scratch behind the ears. But Alfie interprets this as a legally binding agreement. The more you pet him, the closer he gets. And the closer he gets, the more… weight becomes involved.
Before you know it, Alfie is leaning on you. Then resting on you. Then fully emotionally and physically depending on you for structural support. You are no longer petting Alfie—Alfie is anchoring himself to Earth via your legs.
And then there’s the tongue.
Alfie’s tongue is less of a tongue and more of a wet, enthusiastic event. It appears suddenly, without warning, like a pink flag of affection. And the drool? Oh, the drool.
Alfie doesn’t just drool—he expresses love in liquid form. The more he likes you, the wetter you get. It’s not a side effect. It’s a feature. By the time he’s finished greeting you, you’ll look like you’ve just narrowly survived a small but meaningful rainstorm.
And through it all—clamped proudly in his mouth—is a stick.
Not just any stick. His stick. A stick of great importance. A stick he found, chose, and now carries everywhere like a treasured artifact. It may be too big. It may knock into door frames, furniture, and occasionally other living beings. This does not matter. The stick is coming with him. Always.
Alfie: enormous, affectionate, slightly damp… and somehow convinced he’s lap-sized.
And honestly? He’s right.
Want your doggy to join us? Contact us today to secure your spot 🐾
