09/07/2025
This topic was very much on my mind after a session today. Great post.
âYour Dogâs Independence Matters: Teaching Your Dog Itâs OK to Be Aloneâ
An in-depth article for dog owners and trainers on canine independence, resilience, and why FOMO is not the same as separation anxiety.
As a dog trainer, one of the most common messages I receive begins with: âMy dogâs got separation anxiety.â But more often than not, once I start asking questions, it quickly becomes clear, itâs not true separation anxiety. Itâs the fear of missing out. FOMO. And yes, dogs get it too.
Letâs be honest: a dogâs need for independence is often overlooked in favour of constant closeness. Weâve unintentionally conditioned many of our dogs to believe that being glued to us 24/7 is not just normal, itâs necessary. But hereâs the thing. Itâs not healthy. Not for your dog. Not for you. And not for the bond youâre trying to build.
What Is Canine Independence?
Canine independence means your dog has the confidence to be alone, whether thatâs in another room, on their bed while you cook dinner, or even left at home while you nip to the shops. Itâs the ability to self-settle, cope with low stimulation, and understand that separation doesnât mean abandonment. Itâs an essential life skill that too many dogs are lacking.
But why? Because weâve stopped allowing dogs to just be dogs.
The Root of the Problem: You Created a Shadow
It usually starts small. You get a new puppy or rescue dog and feel guilty leaving them alone. You let them follow you to the toilet, lie under your feet at the dinner table, jump on your lap while youâre watching telly. You feel flattered that your dog loves you so much. But what youâre actually doing is removing their ability to be calm, comfortable, and secure without you being constantly present.
Dogs are opportunistic learners. If following you around the house is allowed and occasionally rewarded, through affection, treats, or access, theyâll keep doing it. Soon, they expect to be included in every activity. And when theyâre not? Cue panic, barking, destruction, pacing, or excessive drooling. But again, this isnât always separation anxiety. Itâs simply a dog whoâs never learnt how to not be involved.
Real Separation Anxiety: A Different Beast Entirely
Letâs not minimise the reality of true separation anxiety. Itâs serious. Itâs debilitating. Itâs not a dog simply whining for attention. Itâs a dog that panics to the point of soiling itself, ripping through doors, and risking self-harm just to try to reunite with its owner. These dogs canât be left in a room without becoming distressed. Some canât be crated. Some canât even cope if you turn your back.
Thatâs not the same as a dog who doesnât like being left out while youâre upstairs folding laundry. Thatâs not the same as a dog sulking because it wasnât invited into the car. Thereâs a distinction, and we need to recognise it.
Why Teaching Independence Matters
A dog that can cope with time alone is more balanced, more emotionally stable, and, dare I say it, more fulfilled. Independence:
⢠Reduces stress by allowing the dog to learn that time alone isnât threatening.
⢠Builds resilience by teaching the dog to manage low-stimulation environments without panic.
⢠Promotes self-soothing behaviours like chewing a toy, relaxing on a bed, or sleeping through the quiet.
⢠Prevents over-attachment which, if left unchecked, can evolve into real anxiety issues.
⢠Encourages problem solving, dogs learn to adapt, explore their environment, and entertain themselves.
Letâs not forget, dogs are capable problem-solvers. But if theyâre never given the space or opportunity, they wonât develop the skill.
How to Build Your Dogâs Independence
1. Create Physical Distance in the Home
Start small. Use baby gates or close doors to prevent your dog from shadowing you around the house. Teach them that they canât always be with you and that itâs perfectly OK.
2. Place Training and Settle Time
Train your dog to go to a bed or designated spot and stay there, calmly. No attention, no fuss. Just chill time. Youâre teaching them to self-regulate and be still.
3. Donât Reward Attention-Seeking
If your dog paws you for affection or follows you relentlessly, avoid giving in. Attention given at the wrong moment reinforces needy behaviour.
4. Enforced Rest Periods
Put your dog in a crate or separate room for quiet time, even when youâre at home. This isnât punishment, itâs teaching downtime.
5. Gradual Departures
Practise leaving the house for short periods and build up slowly. Donât make a big song and dance about leaving or returning. Make it a non-event.
6. Avoid the Guilt Trip
Youâre not being cruel by teaching your dog to be alone. In fact, itâs one of the kindest things you can do. Youâre giving them a skill that will last a lifetime.
Independence Is a Gift, Not a Punishment
Letâs stop thinking that being apart from our dogs is somehow neglectful. Dogs who are given the tools to cope with alone time are more confident, less anxious, and less demanding. Theyâre not looking to you to micromanage their every moment. And ironically, once your dog can be on their own, youâll find your time together is more meaningful. Less clingy. More connected.
Because true connection doesnât mean constant proximity. It means trust. It means balance. And it means knowing that even when youâre apart, youâre still a team.
In Summary
If you want a well-rounded, emotionally stable dog, donât just focus on obedience or enrichment, focus on independence. Your dog doesnât need to be part of every moment of your life. In fact, theyâll be better for it if theyâre not. Teach them to switch off. To self-settle. To be OK when theyâre on their own.
Itâs not just about stopping behaviours you donât like, itâs about preparing your dog to handle the world without falling apart.
So next time you feel guilty about shutting the bathroom door on your dog, remind yourself: youâre not being cruel. Youâre building a better dog.
If youâd like help building independence in your dog, or youâre struggling to tell the difference between FOMO and genuine separation anxiety, get in touch. Weâll guide you and your dog towards a calmer, more confident future, together, and apart.
www.k9manhuntscotland.co.uk
Training that makes a difference.
